guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
