Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
