I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
