everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
