i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
