She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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