I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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