When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
