don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she peed on how many people?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
