Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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