i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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