So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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