Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
