so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
