8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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