I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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