can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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