Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize