I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
