i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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