Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
