Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
