There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
3 2 1 whiskey
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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