You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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