If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize