I want to have your abortion
farters have to be the big spoon...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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