Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.

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(703): View more from Virginia

The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.

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(231): View more from Michigan

His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.

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(432): View more from Texas

There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!

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(614): View more from Ohio

Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Shame is for Republicans.

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