evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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