Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
