im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just blew my weed a kiss
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
