at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
