I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
