I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize