Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
