Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
