If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
