Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
BRING THE BAGELS
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
