just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize