I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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