your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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