P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ugly people sure do ruin things
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
