Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
