Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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