So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
