Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize