never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
