Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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