god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My feet surprised me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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