Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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