omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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