If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
