I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
