i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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