Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You pole danced in your parka.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
