Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
