Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
