I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
