Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
