im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
