your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
