..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize