I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
