If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
