And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
