Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
