That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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