Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
