I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
