Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
are you so shy because you have an std?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
