There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
