My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The ass gains better be worth it
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