I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
