Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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