yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
