so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
