just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
