3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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