uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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