I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
