yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
