I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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