"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
