How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
