Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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