wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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