I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
