did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
