We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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