I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
