i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Found the puke drawer
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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