I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
