Your face is a jimmy john
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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