i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
