Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
