i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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