Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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