hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
