Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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