I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
