dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
