Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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