I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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