Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
