Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
These tits shall not be calmed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
