She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
