So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
