I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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