Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Green mimosas i think yes
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
