but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
