dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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