She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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