Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
